The Conudrum; Sticking with your boundaries

For the last few weeks I have felt that I was in a conundrum.  My problem is with this thing called boundaries and how to hold fast to them after I have laid them out.

This morning I was reminded of a few memories from when I was a kid that relate to this situation that I’m trying to navigate through.  One of those memories was from when I was about 7.  We were on our way to school when one of my siblings, with a mean smile, was doing something to me that they knew I hated.  I remember asking them over and over to stop till finally I said, “If you don’t stop I’m going to bite you!”  I felt this was a fare warning, but when they continued to mess with me I had to follow through.  I took their arm in my hands and bit it!  Quick as a flash they smacked me up-side my head.  I was shocked and responded, “Why did you hit me?”, their reply, “Because you bit me!”, my return, “But I told you I would if you didn’t stop.”

Fast forward about 3 years and my seconded memory comes into play, but this time it was a different sibling.  I feel I should mention that I’m the youngest of 5 kids and had to learn to handle myself and think for myself early on.  This time it was my brother who was playing around with me.  He was much bigger than me, about 6 foot with growing still to do, and we liked to rough house, but this time he had my head trapped between his ankles.  I laugh at first, but after a bit I told him to let me go...he didn't.  So I made my threat, "Let me go or I will bite you".  He didn’t and so I bit him.  I was suddenly released as I heard him say, "Hey, you bit me!"  I stood up, dusted myself off and looked at him.  With breaking eye contact, feeling slightly bad, I told him that I did warn him.  Funny enough I think he understood my boundary unlike my other sibling.

It was this morning, as I tried to decide how to respond to someone who is testing my boundaries, that I remembered these occurrences in my life.  One person stuck me as I enforced a boundary and the other responded with surprise but learned to respect me.

 

It would seem that as I’ve walked into adulthood I’ve partly lost my knack for making a clear boundary and sticking to it without shame.  Today I am trying to sort through things and continue to be wise and loving as I remind myself that boundaries make good friendships better and weak relationships safe.  And for whatever reason I'm wrestling with the truth that you can love and respect someone while you enforce a boundary! 

I find myself praying that God would help me to stand up for what I know is right and that he would help me keep loving in the process.

Here are some links to two books that helped change my life as an adult

1. Safe People; How to find relationships that are good for you http://www.amazon.com/Safe-People-Relationships-Avoid-ebook/dp/B002AKPG34/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1370187206&sr=1-1&keywords=safe+people
2. Boundaries; when to say yes and how to say no http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Say-Yes-ebook/dp/B000FC2K9W/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1370187166&sr=8-1&keywords=boundaries