Not The Consolation Prize You Think It Is

Today something I’ve heard at least 20 times this year hit me differently, and offered a new perspective on life.  “There are worse things than being single.”

The implication here has always been that to be married to the wrong person, to be in a loveless marriage, the abusive sort, or one with no real connection is certainly worse.  I would agree with this whole heartedly.  And being desperate to fix the “problem of being alone” can have disastrous results.  In fact I have often made this my argument for being as careful as I am with whom I date.

But tonight something spilled out of my mouth that I now stand behind.  “That saying isn’t right.  It’s as if someone is saying, ‘your life stinks, but hey, it could be worse.  You could be in a bad marriage. So at least there’s that’.  But really, my life is great!  I’ve got it good!  Being single IS awesome!”

I get that most people don’t wear the unmarried outfit that well.  It might be tight and ill fitting, it could be loose and blousy, maybe a hot mess, but I think it looks pretty stylin' on me, so I’m owning it!  My new goal will be to make people say, “Hey, there are worse things than being married.”

FL Coast

Well, not really.  I love seeing people with their perfect match, I like seeing the joy that it brings to their lives.  But, I might just like to point out that I also have a sweet life.  I will give you my list.  And hey, if you marrieds feel jealous, I’m sorry. And for you singles out there I hope you will wake up and smell the coffee…cause your life rocks!

Colorado Mt.

1. Your Life Is Your Own: You get to drive it wherever you like.  There is less fear over how your choices will mess up your family and spouse.  I’m a careful person, but I only have to wonder if I’m screwing up my own life and that’s how I like it.

2.Your Time Is Your Own: Do you want to read a book? Do you want to take a bath without being disturbed? Do you want to dress up and go out with friends on a whim?  Well guess what, YOU SINGLE folks can!  Haven’t you ever heard your friends talk about parenthood?  You may be dreaming about babies, you may have all their names picked out, but I'll bet you didn’t know it’s hard to take a shower without your kid barging in on you!  Good babysitters are hard to come by.  And sleeping 8 hours a night is the crazed fantasy of most moms out there.

Glacier National Park

3.Your Money Is Your Own:  Hello, have you ever heard how much kids cost, singles! Diapers, stitches, broken arms, extra food, not to mention those hard to come by babysitters.

4.Your House Is Clean: Stop in on a mom half way through the day and you will understand this one.  Kids and spouses are messy. Extra dishes, lots of dirty laundry, crumbs everywhere and hand prints in the most odd places.  That’s life and you married couples have to deal with it. 

San Diego ZOO

5. Travel:   Do I have to explain this one???  Parents would love to go on a vacation without their kids.  Singles can plan a trip spontaneously because there’s only one schedule to worry about.  As long as you have time, off you can go.  Not so for parents.  Their trips must be planned at least 6 months out, school is factored in, praying you child doesn’t break a major bone before that trip, and hoping no real finacial emergencies come up is always on their minds, not to mention having to find house and pet sitters.

Disney World

6. Quiet:  Pay close attention to this one singles, you may take this for granted in a major way, but I promise you that parents know what a treasure this is.

7. What’s Mine Is Mine: I already mentioned money, but I didn’t cover THINGS.  I have lots of nieces and nephews and just from the short visits I’ve had with them I learned quickly that if it isn’t locked up its fair game.  Make-up is ruined, clothes stained, lamps broken, bedding wrecked, computers dropped just to name a few.  And my nieces and nephews are better-behaved than most kids FYI.

Canada

There really isn’t a need to go on because I think I have made my point.  My life, as I said, ROCKS.  I get to offer help to moms who need a night off because I have time, I get to drop everything and take a vacation, I am able to work for myself because I’m responsible.  I carry my own load and have a fairly drama-free world.  And by the way, I get to be the “Fun Aunt”.  So the next time you feel tempted to offer the consolation prize to a single friend, don’t.  Remind them how great they have it.  Help them see what they do have.  And singles, don’t be demanding of your already taxed friends who are trying to cope with how hard it is to be a good wife and mother.  Maybe offer to help her with the kids for a day, most likely by the end of the day you will see how great you life really is.

Treasure Island, FL

Joy For Tears

There I was, looking out towards the door of our fifth-wheel when a cute face popped inside to deliver a message.  Just as suddenly, my smile turned sour as I saw my niece tumbling all the way down the three steeps mettle steps.  The clanging of her 4 foot frame bashing into each star was deafening.

This day had already been a pretty hard one for her with a sudden visit to the Dr. first thing that morning for an unknown sickness.  After blood being drawn, urine sample taken and finally an IV put in it turned out to be a major case of dehydration brought on by a flu bug. So you can imagine how this was more than just another fall.

We all rushed to snatch her up and hand her over to the calming arms of her Mama.  She sniffled, wailed and moaned.  I got her an ice pack as she lay, rocked back and forth, in the arms of comfort.  After about 10 minutes of tears the crying died down.  Mama soothed the fears and all the pain went away.  By the end of the day she was almost bursting with energy and the desire to roam and play could hardly be contained!

It was this memory that came to mind as I was dealing with my own emotional tumble down the stars of life.   The relational collision awakened fear in my heart.  The emotional wounds throbbed with pain causing tears to wet my face and my journal but than suddenly I thought how wonderful it felt to be in the comforting arms of God, to feel the closeness, the soothing words and peaceful presence of being close to a God who loves me. 

I thought about the feeling of peace which came as the result of dealing with hurt.  Just like my niece, I have a hard time sitting still with an eagerness to live, work and have adventures.  Lately I haven’t been climbing into the lap of God so to speak, but it was this moment, and several others, which made my need for that comfort undeniable.

It astounds me, truly, that hard times bring so many wonderful feelings of safety and hope?!  It made me glad for this moment.  For the chance to step out of self-reliance and into childlike weakness for the comfort that it brings.

Isaiah 51 was really encouraging.  I'll just give you a few highlights.

"Listen to me, you who pursue righteousness, you who seek the LORD: ", "For the LORD comforts Zion: he comforts all her waste places and makes her wilderness like Eden, her desert like the garden of the LORD; joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the voice of song", "I will set my justice for a light to the people. My righteousness draws near, my salvation has gone out and my arms will judge the peoples; the coastlands hope for me, and for my arm they wait.", "my salvation will be forever, and my righteousness will never be dismayed.", "Awake, awake, put on strength, oh arm of the LORD; (people of God)" "And the ransomed of the LORD shall return and come to Zion with singing; everlasting joy shall be upon their heads; they shall obtain gladness and joy, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away.", "I, I am he who comforts you"

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUIKLLa42_Q

Face to Face Praise

Lately my brain seems to be on replay over this idea of words and their power to inspire and heal.  You may know what I’m talking about, words that make you feel like you can fly, even if for the briefest moment.  These thought lead me to do a kind of experiment in which I keep my eyes open for chances to praise individuals genuinely.

One such moment was when I went to eat breakfast at VI on a Sunday morning.  The place was packed and tables were scarce.  After a short wait my friend and I were seated.  That’s when I noticed the waitress who was looking after our section was someone who had served me before (It may seem strange but I remember people usually after meeting them once).  Well, there I was with my friend who was a little picky, partly due to food allergies, and I could see all the pressure our waitress had on her.  She did so many things really well and I was impressed by her hard work, so here was my shot, “Wow, you know you’re a rock star over here!  Thanks for that extra coffee and for remembering our crazy order.  You served me before actually.  You did a great job then and you’re doing an even better job today in spite of how busy it is here.” 

Have you ever seen someone carrying a heavy bag that is almost crushing them and the relief on their face when they get to take the load off?  Now imagine the sun shining brightly on that face and a major smile breaking through and you might have an idea of what this woman’s face looked like.

My friend and I finished up our meal, said thanks to our waitress and went on our way.  I'm not sure what my friend was thinking about while we headed to our own cars, but as for me, I felt a spring in my step as I turned my thoughts over to the way I was able to give appreciation and value to our server. The funny thing is that in making someone’s face light up I’m pretty sure it made my face shine too. 

So for the last few weeks I keep having these questions and thoughts pop up.  One of those thoughts was from my teen years.  I remember a few instances when people would tell me that my mom, or maybe one of my sisters said something nice about me, but I never knew how to react.  It wasn't that I thought my friend was lying to me, it was more that what I was being told was something I hadn't heard face to face so I found it hard to believe.  You may think I’m silly, but in my teens I just assumed that my family member was doing good P.R. and that the words of, “Your (Blank) thinks a lot of you” wasn't worth much.

Why is it that most words of praise remain unsaid?  There is often something we could say to help pick someone up, but we don’t…and I can’t understand why we wouldn't?  How hard is it to look outside of ourselves and offer someone a boost?  Are we that afraid of looking silly?  Are we in too much of a rush?  Are we so consumed with our own heaviness that we don’t even bother to lighten other’s loads?  Or maybe it’s something as simple as forgetfulness?

Now that I’m older affirming words from those I love means more to me than just about anything.  I can remember a card my sister wrote to me about two years ago…it brought me to tears over what my sister had written.  She told me how much she believes in me, how proud she is of me and how she respects the woman I've chosen to be.  That card, those words, became a treasure that I have kept and it was of more value to me than the gift, wonderful as the gift was, because words seem to last longer, both the good and the bad.

So, I guess the point that I’m trying to get at is this, be sure to say those nice things to the ones you love…not ABOUT them, but TO them.  Make sure there isn't a question in their mind of whether you see the good in them or not.  Be a part of encouraging them to notice their talents and strengths.  There is almost always something nice to say, so say it!

Loving Who You Are, No Apology

About two years ago I went through a body change, I think I left my teen years behind and shifted into womanhood.  Even though I still get the shock of, “I can’t believe you’re 30.  I thought you were 19,” I have indeed gained some of those womanly curves that usually hits the 20-something’s.

In the last few months I have been thinking about what it means to accept yourself for who you are.  And I’ve decided that this is a pretty important part of getting the future generations to see beauty in all its forms.  

What got my brain working was a funny sort of comment from a 4-year-old boy who I often watch.  He noticed that I don’t have a flat butt, and he found that funny and strange.  I handled it as well as I could.  I tried to help him understand that it’s no big deal, no pun intended, and that people aren't all the same shape. 

Later on as I was going about my work I wondered if I had said the right things or not?  I finally came to the conclusion that if I’m ashamed of who I am, I am teaching him to look at others with a bad judgment in the future.  If he grows up to find straight frames attractive that’s ok, but I hope he will see beauty in a more complete way because of my words of confidence in who I am.

My other interaction was with a 6-year-old girl whom I also look after often.  She asked me very plainly, “Why are you fat?” without missing a beat I said, “Oh, I’m not fat, I’m just a different shape.”  For which she returned, “Than why are your legs big?” reply, “Because I’m very strong.  I have lots of muscles.”

This is actually very true.  I have always been this build.  As a kid I lived on the trampoline, and now with cleaning houses I have gained even more strength, sometimes carrying 60 LB.   It may sound like I’m defending myself I guess, but really I'm just giving you some back story to this blog.  I learned to accept my build in my early 20’s and decided that I'm very attractive as I am.  

If I wasn't strong and healthy then I think I might feel a little more insecure on this topic, but truthfully, I am, as my life insurance police stated, "Health Preferred".   

Through all of this, I've been thinking of moms all over who keep saying they are fat, I need to be thinner, I’m not pretty because I’m not (Blank).  And I keep thinking that we women might be teaching kids to think there is only one way to be considered physically attractive and that's a huge mistake. 

So ladies, I hope you will think on this one for a bit.  Ask yourself if you’re living a healthy life, and if the answer is yes, than start standing up for yourself and don’t apologize for not being one build or another.  The same goes for ladies who are naturally thin and wish they had more curves, DON’T do it, accept who you are and love who you are...because ladies, God made you who you are and that's a big deal.

Psalm 139:9- 19 "If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.  If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.  For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.  How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you. If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!

Check out this link to an  Article about why Barbie's body isn't real