Do you have any irrational fears? Mine use to be spiders and a fear of burning
to death, a morbid one I know, but this week while I was cleaning house for my
client I found that I have a new irrational fear. My client’s barking dog. I’ve tried pretty hard to make friends with
him to no avail. Its been
surprising to me because 99.9% of dogs love me!
Silly enough the other dog could care less whether I’m there or not, she
barks till she sees me and then it’s over.
She also gets to enjoy some freedom because I let her out to play while
her friend is stuck in his kennel.
You should see me as I clean. Headphones in my ears while I tip toe around
doing what I can to avoid, as far as I can tell, the territory he has marked
out as the Amanda free zone. Duster in
hand I clean quickly in peace. That is
until I get to the Dead Zone, then I have to shift to slow motion in hopes of
avoiding his fang dripping wrath. It
never works though. And it doesn’t stop
with the dusting, I have to come round to sweep, vacuum and mop too. Until I’m out of site he is filled with
rage. You might think I should try
bribing him . . . didn’t work, I’ve already tried. Maybe some soothing words could help, but you
would be wrong there too.
Without fail he gets me to jump out of my skin every time
even while I am aware that his snarl is on its way. Here is the funny part though, I know the dog
can’t get out to hurt me because he has tried hard enough and failed, but his
aggression seems to give me amnesia and I suddenly begin to cower.
This Friday I realized that there is someone, a person mind
you, who effects me in the same way as that angry dog. I tip toe around them, trying to use my soft
voice, offer them what I think they want, all for not. In the end they always make me jump with fear. After an encounter with them I have tingling
fingers from the adrenalin charging through my body just like my dog run ins.
Recently I took a stand and spoke my mind, well I replied to
an email to be more specific. I can’t
explain fully how I felt. I should have
been overjoyed but I actually was trembling as I waited for their bitter
response . . . that’s when I saw the hold of fear they had over me. And I suddenly thought of the words “Perfect
love casts out all fear, and God did not give us a spirit of fear but of power
and love and a sound mind.”
As I lay on my bed coaching myself to not let fear take over,
I reminded myself of the worst that could happen. I found that the cost of truth didn’t have a
major price other than that person hating me.
It was like me coaching myself to not be afraid of the dog, knowing that
he couldn’t get out, “You’re safe, don’t let this jangle your nerves”.
I guess I still don’t know where things stand with my barking
person, but at least this problem is teaching me to not let fear control me.
I still wish that there was something more that could be
done with them. I want thing to
be good and I want for them to understand that I still care. In fact, it has
caused me some heart ache at their unwillingness to accept my words of
honesty. I won’t let this stop my love
for them, but I also have to see things as they are . . . they don’t know how
to love people well. So until they
change I’ll have to keep them in their kennel so to speak, until they stop
trying to intimidate me.
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love
drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one
who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. If anyone
says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a
liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has
seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command:
Whoever loves God must also love his brother.” 1John 4:18-21, “
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