Out Growing the Past. . .And Moving On

I'm sure that you know what day hit us last week.  Yes, that dreaded day of days which every unattached person tries to hide from, mostly because it gets you thinking.  Thoughts usually begin with what last year’s Valentines day looked like, then it shifts to counting how many years it’s been since you last had a date worth remembering and finally ending with the memories of your relationships that almost had a happily-ever-after instead of ending in catastrophe.

I’m no different than the rest.  I had my thoughts too, but it seemed funny to me this time around.  As I remembered myself at 22 and the man that I wanted to spend my life with from that season, it felt foreign to me.  That maddening magic which had made me lose my senses so long ago seemed to have worn off completely.

Funny enough about 5 months ago my former Prince Charmless contacted me.  Seeing his FB message made me nearly pass out with surprise.  I found that I didn’t have any hurt feelings or much of any feelings in connection with this person whom I had held out hope for even 2 years after our break up.  This time he was coming to me, hoping to come back, but it stirred nothing within me other than a willingness to move on and let him go.  Wishing him well I waved goodbye as I closed and locked that door to my past.

So my Valentines day thoughts led me to wonder if it would ever have actually worked.  With me being a different person and him, I'm assuming here, being different, could it have been something worth having?  What I found was that I could never, and would never, want the past to be my present.  I had changed so completely from 6 years ago that we would never match up now.  And as I see things through the vision of a woman and not the eyes of a young girl, I see that I want more, I believe I’m worth more, and that I should be looking for more.  I truly am nothing like the person of my past…I would like to think that I have grown into someone more confident, more kind…and quite frankly less foolish. 

Today, after watching a TLC show I felt the urge to take out the dress that I had hoped to wear so very long ago.  I looked at it, remembered it like a dream faded, and after seeing that it really didn’t fit me anymore I put it back into the garment bag with no more thoughts of it playing a role in my future.  I’m glad I have outgrown the past because that means I can take on the present.  The possibilities for my present fill me with renewed hope!