Face to Face Praise

Lately my brain seems to be on replay over this idea of words and their power to inspire and heal.  You may know what I’m talking about, words that make you feel like you can fly, even if for the briefest moment.  These thought lead me to do a kind of experiment in which I keep my eyes open for chances to praise individuals genuinely.

One such moment was when I went to eat breakfast at VI on a Sunday morning.  The place was packed and tables were scarce.  After a short wait my friend and I were seated.  That’s when I noticed the waitress who was looking after our section was someone who had served me before (It may seem strange but I remember people usually after meeting them once).  Well, there I was with my friend who was a little picky, partly due to food allergies, and I could see all the pressure our waitress had on her.  She did so many things really well and I was impressed by her hard work, so here was my shot, “Wow, you know you’re a rock star over here!  Thanks for that extra coffee and for remembering our crazy order.  You served me before actually.  You did a great job then and you’re doing an even better job today in spite of how busy it is here.” 

Have you ever seen someone carrying a heavy bag that is almost crushing them and the relief on their face when they get to take the load off?  Now imagine the sun shining brightly on that face and a major smile breaking through and you might have an idea of what this woman’s face looked like.

My friend and I finished up our meal, said thanks to our waitress and went on our way.  I'm not sure what my friend was thinking about while we headed to our own cars, but as for me, I felt a spring in my step as I turned my thoughts over to the way I was able to give appreciation and value to our server. The funny thing is that in making someone’s face light up I’m pretty sure it made my face shine too. 

So for the last few weeks I keep having these questions and thoughts pop up.  One of those thoughts was from my teen years.  I remember a few instances when people would tell me that my mom, or maybe one of my sisters said something nice about me, but I never knew how to react.  It wasn't that I thought my friend was lying to me, it was more that what I was being told was something I hadn't heard face to face so I found it hard to believe.  You may think I’m silly, but in my teens I just assumed that my family member was doing good P.R. and that the words of, “Your (Blank) thinks a lot of you” wasn't worth much.

Why is it that most words of praise remain unsaid?  There is often something we could say to help pick someone up, but we don’t…and I can’t understand why we wouldn't?  How hard is it to look outside of ourselves and offer someone a boost?  Are we that afraid of looking silly?  Are we in too much of a rush?  Are we so consumed with our own heaviness that we don’t even bother to lighten other’s loads?  Or maybe it’s something as simple as forgetfulness?

Now that I’m older affirming words from those I love means more to me than just about anything.  I can remember a card my sister wrote to me about two years ago…it brought me to tears over what my sister had written.  She told me how much she believes in me, how proud she is of me and how she respects the woman I've chosen to be.  That card, those words, became a treasure that I have kept and it was of more value to me than the gift, wonderful as the gift was, because words seem to last longer, both the good and the bad.

So, I guess the point that I’m trying to get at is this, be sure to say those nice things to the ones you love…not ABOUT them, but TO them.  Make sure there isn't a question in their mind of whether you see the good in them or not.  Be a part of encouraging them to notice their talents and strengths.  There is almost always something nice to say, so say it!